


Unreturned

by cthink



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Arzaylea is in it, Cake, Crying, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not named tho, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5735746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cthink/pseuds/cthink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'd do anything for him, but Luke was oblivious. And worst of all?</p>
<p>Luke was in love with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unreturned

For Calum, there was never really a moment of realisation that he was in love with Luke. He just knew, right from the moment they met. But the worst thing about it was that Calum was the only one who knew. And it had to stay that way.

Because now they were best friends, one of the biggest bands in the world, and one step in the wrong direction would send all of that crumbling down. He couldn't do that to them. It was Calum's little secret. Just it was quite a big secret, because he was in love.

And it hurt that Luke had no idea. It broke Calum's heart. Luke would remain clueless for the rest of his life, and Calum would die alone, because he'd never be able to love anyone the same way he loved Luke. He'd do anything for him, but Luke was oblivious. And worst of all?

Luke was in love with someone else.

* * *

 

Luke stopped spending as much time with them, and more time with her instead. Of course, he was still with them for the majority of the day, but he came back late at night after going to some stupid party with her that Calum hadn't been invited to.

By now, Calum knew that Michael and Ashton knew how he felt. They'd been his friends for so long, they'd be stupid not to. Calum also knew that, like him, they didn't approve of _her_ either. The way Luke had been acting around them recently was getting on their nerves just as much as his. Calum was proven correct when he entered the dressing room one evening after a show, and Ashton and Luke were shouting at each other with Michael watching awkwardly at the sides, backing Ashton up when he needed to.

"What, so now we're not good enough for you?"  
"Of course you are! That's not wha-"  
"You won't even go out for dinner with us, Luke, just because you want to see her. I don't care if she's your girlfriend or not, it doesn't mean you stop spending time with us!"  
"I can spend time with who I want." Luke snapped angrily, his voice suddenly become low and cold.

"It's like we barely ever see you anymore." Calum muttered quietly, and the others turned around with looks of shock, as if they hadn't even noticed him enter the room. Luke's expression soon changed to one of fury again, as he rounded on Calum.

"Maybe it's because I don't want to spend time with you." Luke spat, his voice sharp and harsh. He laughed coldly: "why are you so obsessed with me, Calum?" Calum flinched inwardly at his words. That hurt. He wished he could've told Luke, then and there. No matter how cruel Luke's words were, Calum would always love him.

"Luke!" Ashton's voice was raising again.  
"Hey, we're meant to be your friends," Michael sounded as hurt as Calum felt. "Ashton's got Bryana, but he still manages to spend time with us!"

"Didn't you hear me?" Luke sneered. "I don't want to spend time with you. I couldn't care less about what Ashton does with his stupid girlfriend." He turned to walk away, but Ashton grabbed him by the wrist before he could. What happened next was a blur. Calum watched with horror as Ashton swung at Luke, his fist landing directly on Luke's cheek. Luke stumbled back slightly, but lunged forward at Ashton and the two landed on the floor. While Michael stood frozen, Calum yanked Luke off of Ashton from behind, trying desperately to break up the fight. He hated seeing them fight, and it'd never been this bad before.

As soon as Luke was up, Ashton was back on his feet, but was held back by Michael who had finally come to his senses, apparently. Luke spun around, shaking with anger, staring at Calum in accusation. "Get off of me!" He yanked his arm out of Calum's reach, and pushed Calum backwards. It was only a small push, but Calum lost his footing, and went stumbling back.

He reached out behind him to catch himself from the fall, but he forgot about the small coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. With a sickening 'thunk', the back of his head made contact with the wood, and he fell to he floor. His vision was blurry, quickly fading to blackness. He could hear Ashton frantically calling his name as he faded completely.

* * *

The next thing Calum knew, he was lying on the sofa still in the dressing room. His head hurt slightly, and- was his nose bleeding? He didn't care, because that wasn't what hurt him the most. What hurt was what Luke had said. Did he really not care about them at all anymore? Oh, and the whole pushing him into a table kinda sucked too.

As he slowly blinked his eyes into focused, he vaguely became aware of Ashton sat next to him, asleep with his head in his hands. No Luke in sight. That hurt even more. He slowly rubbed his eyes, and pushed himself up, ignoring the relentless throbbing. "Ashton." He shook the older boy gently, until he woke up too.  
Ashton sighed in relief. "Oh, Calum, man. I'm glad you're alright."  
"What happened?" Calum croaked out, his throat dry. "How long have I been out?"  
"Well, after, y'know..." Ashton sounded reluctant. "Luke, uh, pushed you into a table, he kinda just... Went out..." Luke hadn't even bothered to stick around to check that he was okay. It was Luke who knocked him out, anyway. Luke would never love him, Calum told himself for the millionth time. "You've been out for about an hour. Are you concussed? Does your head hurt?"

Only then did Calum notice the way Ashton's face was bruised slightly under his eye, or how his lip was spilt and dried with blood. "Are you alright?" It was nearly a whisper. He couldn't believe Luke would hurt anyone like that. Ashton didn't even deserve it. None of them deserved how Luke had been treating them.

"Hey. I'm fine, okay? I'm just worried about you." Ashton smiled in a comforting way, yet he still looked sad. It made Calum angry. What made Luke think that this was alright?  
"I'm just done with him, Ash."

That night, Calum barely slept. When he finally heard Luke come back to the hotel, it was way past midnight. Ashton and Michael had already been rooming together before the fight, and neither of them really wanted to volunteer to swap with Calum, so he was stuck with Luke. He didn't blame them, to be perfectly honest. Ashton was too angry, and Michael was... Scared?

He fell completely silent as he heard the hotel room door quietly creak open, and footsteps thud across the carpeted floor. He quickly shut his eyes as he felt Luke draw nearer, pretending to be asleep. With baited breath, he waited until finally he felt a slight dip in the bed, and felt the warmth of Luke's body pressed against his back. Luke's arm gently and slowly wrapped itself around Calum, and he buried his head into Calum's hair.

Calum felt tears spring to his eyes, but tried desperately to keep them at bay. Thank god Luke couldn't see his face right now. A few minutes went by, with Luke slowly running his fingers through the dark, soft hair, and gently stroking Calum's arm. Calum couldn't tell if Luke was drunk or not (he probably was), but he didn't want to think about that. He just tried to enjoy the moment, wrapped up in Luke's arms, because it was probably the only chance he would ever get.

They laid there in silence, until Calum finally heard Luke's deep yet soft voice whisper in his ear, "I'm so sorry, Calum." He heard him sniffle slightly, before continuing, "I'm so fucking sorry. I messed up, Cal, and I hate myself for it. I'm sorry."

And with that, he lifted himself up off of Calum's bed, leaving Calum feeling cold and alone. He heard Luke quickly strip some of his clothes and get into his own bed. Calum wanted more than anything to tell Luke that it was okay and that he forgave him, but he couldn't. He was scared. Luke probably wouldn't remember anything that had happened the next morning anyway, because that was always what happened whenever he went out with _her_. Most of all, Calum just wanted Luke to come back and just hold him again. Because he still loved Luke with all his heart.

* * *

And so it went on. No proper apology from Luke, barely even a word. He started to see _her_ even more than before. It tore Calum apart. They were at a party one night after their Halloween gig in New York, one that Calum had actually been invited to. Ashton was with Bryana and Michael was there too so it wasn't like Calum was alone, but as Calum stood there watching _her_ dancing with her hands all over Luke, Luke was the only person Calum wanted to talk to. He felt jealousy creeping up on him like a monster, and a wave of nausea overcame him as she stroked the soft skin of his cheek, her long, pointed nails clawing at him slightly. It wasn't just that Calum wanted Luke for himself - he didn't trust _her_ , especially not with Luke. He knew they were only rumours, but if what the fans said was anything to go by, she wasn't a nice person. The first time they'd met, Calum had taken an instant disliking to her.

Suddenly the bass is too loud, there's too many people, and Calum can't breathe. He takes a couple of gasps before deciding he needs to get out of there. He grabs the nearest person to him, which happened to be Bryana, and frantically told her that he needed some air. She looked at him with concern in her bright blue eyes, but he waved her off and walked out of there as quick as he possibly could.  
As he made towards the exit, he shot one last glance at Luke but instantly regretted it. Luke was lost in the moment, he hadn't even noticed Calum leaving. Tears welled up in his deep brown eyes, and he burst through the door and out into the cold, dark night.

Calum didn't stop there. He near enough ran away until he was lost and alone in the streets of New York, being swept along by a never ending sea of people who actually had places to go. Calum continued to move along with them until running across the road, dodging the yellow cabs and bursting into Central Park. Only when he found a bench did he finally allow himself to stop. After breathing heavily for a few moments, his breath hitched in his throat and he broke down into sobs with his head in his hands. What was he doing? He didn't even know how to get back to the hotel from here.

Calum felt stupid. He was out here alone in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, and it was dangerous. Not to mention, it was almost November and it was freezing. Calum had left his coat at the party. But he couldn't go back now. Not now.

When he checked his phone with frozen shaking fingers, he had over 50 missed calls from Ashton and Michael. He wished they were with him right now, but he didn't want to be any trouble. He wiped his cheeks quickly before anyone could see, and put his phone back in his pocket. He was fine. Everything was fine. He'd just go back to the hotel and tell them in the morning he felt ill. No need to panic.

He shakily rose from the park bench, and wrapped his arms around himself to try and keep warm in the bitter winter wind. Luckily he had some money stuffed into the back pocket of his jeans, else he didn't know what he'd do. He hailed a cab, and told the driver the address. Thank god the heating was on.

When Calum was finally back in his room, his phone was being bombarded. He decided it was best just to send Ash and Mike a quick text to let them know he was fine, because it wasn't fair to let them worry. Not Luke though. Luke wouldn't care.

After warming up Calum soon realised that he wasn't getting to sleep anytime soon and so took to Twitter instead. He regretted it immediately. The fans he followed were going crazy, all tweeting the same link to an Instagram post. _Her_ Instagram post.

Calum clicked on it and felt sick. He felt his whole world crumbling. Because it was her kissing him. And normally Calum wouldn't have had a problem with that (not a big one, anyway), but the fact that they had put the picture out there for the world to see just confirmed it. Luke really did love her. And that meant he'd never love Calum.

His chest started tightening all over again, he struggled for air, his vision went blurry with tears. Grabbing the nearest chair from under the desk he shoved it against the door to his and Luke's hotel room; no one could get it now. He didn't want to see Luke. Ever again. He turned and stood in the middle of the room, fully sobbing again now. He didn't know what to do with himself. All he knew was that he needed someone here with him, Ashton or Michael or Mali, but not Luke.

He ran into the bathroom, and gripped the edge of the counter and stared at himself in the mirror. The lights were too bright, his eyes were too red and puffy, his cheeks too blotchy. He let out a small choked sound as he tried desperately to calm himself down. He was overreacting. What would the others think of him? But he couldn't do it. It hurt. Everything just hurt.

* * *

The next thing Calum knew, he was lying on the floor, curled up in a ball. Evidently he had been asleep for some time, because now Luke was knocking on the door.

_Luke was knocking on the door_.

He instantly panicked, his breathing becoming erratic. He couldn't let Luke in. He just couldn't. Then he heard his voice. That voice that Calum had come to adore so much over the years, the same voice that now filled him with despair.

"Calum, are you awake? My key card isn't working, can you let me in? Calum?"

His voice was soft, and gentle. Calum could listen to it for days. No, he couldn't listen to him, couldn't let Luke in. He'd just get hurt again. He stayed where he was, on the floor. Maybe Luke would just eventually leave. The knocking become a little louder, and he heard multiple people shuffling around in the corridor. Ashton and Michael were there too. Calum felt trapped. There was no escape.

"Calum?"

He curled in on himself.

"Calum, come on, open up."

He could hear Ashton hissing at Luke, and then Ashton pushing him aside so he had his ear to the door.

"Calum, buddy, are you okay?"

"No." It took him a couple seconds to realise that he'd said it out loud. His voice was rough and croaky.

"What do you mean?" It was Michael now.

How was he supposed to reply to that?

"Cmon Calum, just let me in already." Luke sounded impatient now. Michael and Ashton hissed at him again, and they didn't try to hide it this time.

"Go away Luke."

"What? Why?" He sounded confused. It was an act, it had to be. Surely Luke knew why Calum wouldn't want to see him.

"I said, GO AWAY!" Calum yelled, tears returning again. He was sick of crying. He'd been crying too much recently. Why was he crying?

"Calum, let me in now." Luke's voice was firm, and Calum couldn't tell whether or not it was because Luke wanted to talk to Calum, or if he just wanted to go to sleep. Calum started gasping, pulling frustratedly at the sleeves of his hoody, scrubbing at the tears running down his cheeks. He was tired. So, so tired.

"Calum, LET ME IN."

He'd had enough. He near enough threw the chair across the room, yanking the handle to the door so it was wide open. He stood there, face to face with Luke, who looked drunk (as usual), and, was that... Concern? Calum's chest was heaving with anger, and he stared at Luke with such fury the blonde almost flinched.

"What do you want?" He yelled at him.  
"Calum, you have to tell us what's wrong!"  
"You know." He growled. "You know, how could you not?"  
"Know what, Calum?" Luke near enough sighed in exasperation. Ashton and Michael were stood in the doorway, with confusion painted across their faces. Calum felt stupid. He was overreacting, wasting their time. His frown faltered, he bit his bottom lip as it started to tremble. And just like clockwork, his eyes began to well up with tears. He was convinced that one day he would cry so much he would just drown. He wished he could do that now. Calum wished the ground would just swallow him up then and there, but it didn't. The tears fell down his face, and Calum fell down to his knees.

He was vaguely aware of Michael pulling Ashton away, leaving Luke and Calum alone. Luke cautiously crouched down next to Calum as he sat on the ground, staring at the carpet and trying desperately not to make eye contact with Luke. Because that would break him. Calum knew that.

He jumped slightly as he felt Luke's hand on his back, stroking him soothingly, gently. Calum knew he should move away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just let Luke comfort him, because that was all he wanted.

"Calum." Luke broke the silence. His voice was calming; it made Calum melt. So deep and soft. But he didn't want Luke to talk. He wanted the silence to last forever, and to just stay here with Luke for as long as he could. "Please tell me what's wrong." He talked to him as if Calum were a child. Calum felt like a child. He felt pathetic, but didn't bother fighting it.

"I..." Luke placed his other hand on Calum's shoulder, as if trying to coax the words out of him in gentle encouragement. "I s-saw the picture... On Instagram." Calum bowed his head even lower, sniffling. This was it. Luke would find out now, and everything would come to an end. They'd hate him, tell him to leave the band, even.

Luke looked puzzled. Maybe he really didn't know. How he hadn't noticed by now was beyond Calum. "And?"

Calum looked up at Luke with his large brown eyes, glassy with tears. He continued to chew his lip as he struggled to find the words to say.  
"Do you... Do you really not know?"

"Know what, Calum?"

Calum hung his head again, fiddling with his sleeves. He couldn't tell him, he couldn't tell him, he couldn't -

"I love you." As the words tumbled out of his mouth, Calum felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. The secret he had been carrying for years of his life was finally out. Luke knew; Calum already knew that he had no hope but Luke knew and that meant he didn't have to hide anymore. Sure, he may get kicked out of the band but at least he was free. No more hiding. Because Luke knew.

He didn't even bother looking up at Luke. He could already imagine the shock and disgust on his face. They sat there in silence, Calum silently praying for Luke to put him out of his misery and just get it over with. Just tell him that he hated him. But it didn't come. Instead, Luke gently took Calum's face between his palms and turned his head so that deep chocolate eyes met bright blue ones. No words came. Just a pair of lips on his.

Soft, warm, beautiful lips against his own. And although Calum's mind was screaming at him that no, he didn't really love him, his heart was telling him to kiss him back, so Calum did. He didn't understand why, but he did. And Luke's hands had moved from Calum's back and were running through his hair and holding him and Calum felt complete. This was all he ever wanted. He didn't know how or how long it would last, but Luke was his, and he was Luke's.

When Calum eventually had to pull away for air, Luke was staring deep into his eyes and smiling, ever so slightly, down at him. It was the best smile Calum had ever seen. Yet it still didn't make sense to him.

"What about... What about...?" Calum struggled to get his words out, still speechless. A part of him also didn't want to ask in fear of the answer. Had Luke only kissed him because he felt sorry for him?

"It was for publicity, Calum. Purely physical. I promise. I love you, Calum. I always have for as long as I can remember. I would've told you, I swear, if I had known you felt the same, but... I was scared." Luke scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

Calum just nodded, because that was all he needed. And then they kissed again, and again, and again. And that night, Calum fell asleep next to Luke, wrapped up in the arms of the only person he would ever love. And Calum had the best sleep he'd had for as long as he could remember.

And Calum was finally happy. Because Calum loved Luke, and Luke loved Calum.


End file.
